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There's a book in me

There's a book in me.
But its not just a book. Its a yell. Its a war cry. I can't just sit in the sidelines. I can't just live a life without a purpose. I can't let myself detoriate to a middle-class stupor, an existence stripped of any passions, any measure of being alive. I am a born stirrer. Though often I remain in sidelines cuz I believe that i don't have a right to interfere or fight on someone else's behalf; I am not going to just swim with my surroundings anymore. I am going to react to what affects me. I am goin to stir questions in people close to me. A life without questioning one's self is a life in coma. Its not long that I realised i was in coma for the last year or so. The stupor accelerated in the comfortable Hyderabad, where my job is morally defunct, intellectually empty and value worth zilch. All it did was made me fat with all that still sitting and emptied my brain with the stupor of mindless excel sheets and dead silence of office. The easy money is sin money. my share in the lie that my company sells. I left advertising cause I felt morally horrible, helping corporates make people anxious and feel pathetic about themselves so that they could peddle some products to the consumer that they dnt really need.
Here, it was outright lying or 'adjusting' to clients. Well, clients were complicit too in it. Its the dirty market. I want nothing of it. But I won't let the market economy ruin this world too. There has to be checks and balances. I am no communist. I am just a humanist. I don't want people to be seen as anything else but people. They are neither 'resources' , 'masses' or just 'consumers'. They are living individual souls. If the world is to descend in anarchy I will attempt at creating level playgrounds for the fights to take place on.
If the power is to flow with its wish, I will be its distractor. The agitator. The dam builder.
There must never remain large chasm in power: a few holding large sway over the majority. At any moment when the power is not equitious, a flux has to occur. status quo is death. People like me are born to bring that flux. Though now I will stop simply stirring. I will drop like a stone. into people's thoughts through my words. I will write.

There's a book in me.

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Withdrawal symptoms

Ctrl-tab
Ctrl-tab...
Scroll Scroll Scoll..
Alt-tab
Alt-tab...
Catch yourself slipping away.

Deep  breath. 

Close the browser. silence the mobile and turn it away.

Open an offline-real-paper diary. Stop your thighs from lolling impatiently. Stay still. 

Pick up a pen awkwardly. ahh, the fingers are stiff. It will take a  while for them to get used to holding a pen. Quick finger exercise - open the palm, stretch finger outwards, close into a fist, dig the fingers in. Repeat.
Ok now.. about to pick up the pen again, but eyes dart towards the screen. Tempted to check email.

Shut up. The last consequential email came two months ago. Nothing of consequence is online.

Pick up the pen. Don't fetishize the object now. Get on with it. Put it on paper, write a word and start it already. If I get to a sentence, perhaps I will get into a flow and won't have to look up from the paper at all. 

One sentence later.

Ahh. That was good. I am feeling good about myself. The sentence makes sense. …