Digging for Meaning

It was around 10 o clock. I was hungry - about to cook dinner. But for the next 15 minutes, I was stalled by one thing. It wasn't a phone call, it wasn't a neighbor, it wasn't a pressing task, nor nature's call. It was me. I was looking through my music folder, searching for a few good tracks to play. Couldn't decide on anything. Then I turned on the TV app on my PC - nothing interesting was on. I went through my movie folder, but didn't feel like watching any movie. So for 15 minutes, I was scrambling around trying to find sounds that I could hear while cooking. As time went by, I was getting more and more bothered for not finding anything. Then I wondered - why do I need sounds really?  How much time in a day do i spend in quiet by myself? I live alone and yet I am never quite alone. I am either reading something, talking to someone, watching some video or listening to music. Days on end I spend, consuming media - incessantly. I realized something els...

I am reading Kudera's 'Immortality'. (and for the first time, I am pissed off with his writing. it seems to be too whimsical - paul, laura, goethe, bettina, laura, ruben! where the fuck did he come from? where's immortality now? where did goethe go? wh y did her death c o me after Paul's life after her death? multiple strands woven together irregularly, whimsically. this book is almost a " modern art " (said disdainfully) with its whimsical (but intelligent) movements playing in a private symphony without a thought to audience's public nature. ) Anywa y, Kundera makes a beautiful revelation (as he always does ) ab out laughte r ( surprisin gly in this book. instead of his ' laughter and forgetting ' . perhaps a post scri pt - a draft piece that had to find a place 'somewhere '. )  He compares modern photographic images to classical paintings and sculptures - the key difference illuminated here being that of the countenance...

These days Media effects is my fav subject. and studying it has helped me in atleast one thing. It let me identify things in me that gives the reigns of my life back to me. I have, to an extent, successfully de-sanitized myself. A certain kind of person, me and a certain others, tend to be swayed more with the underlying assumptions of the mediated message. and in a certain way. I tend to see reflections of myself in others, mostly. So when I see this person - who cringes at someone else's slightest touch. who backsup with revulsion at things 'mass'. who increasingly prefers abstracted content, cause emotions laid bare irritate like scratching sound on glass. who is running on the treadmill of choices and can't stop. who is so afraid of oneself's vulnerability that won't let it out for even a moment and goes out of way to hide 'em. who can't decide about oneself's emotions since the invisible other that media constructs has to be consulted but rema...