Digging for Meaning

arziyan saari mein, chehre pe likh le laaya hun... (delhi 6 soundtrack) a lump forms in my throat after the first verse. and all i am left with is a sense of serene submission; of lightness; of happiness though not content. i close my eyes, and sway with it, and sing perhaps a few lines along. its not a song in grace, its in yearning. its in a world where the notion of defeat and winning is defeated itself. its a still fluid world. the song is the water with which we wash our hands, feet and face before stepping into a mandir,masjid or dargha. listening to it turns this room into a joyous open space, light playing hide and seek with the walls, waves crashing onto it. its perhaps amongst the very few tracks which leave me incapacitated to do or think of anything else while listening to it. all i wish to do is submit to it.

every day, an hour before sleep is due ego deserts me. and i am left lying on the bed curled up with unsure thumbs and fingers twiddling with the cellphone. the day after, ego wakes up with cocky erasure of memory of ever having felt needy. ego! you beast! you deserter! stay true or let alone. what good is an undulating pride. what good is an undulating faith.

while traveling. while sitting idle alone. while walking on the road in the middle of night. the crowd of thoughts vanish and what remains are the loose ends of life that need resolved. its beautiful the way thoughts starts untangling the commotion and living behind a crisp reflection of the chiseled self. it requires no efforts from me. they are like strong waves on the beach, which takes away the everyday trivial thoughts (to which we are wedded, beyond our control.), and uplift me into the simple domain of life (as in 'alive'). hence these days i relish the long local train travel, the road back home to Nasik, the walk on city streets after work. The tired body is not a good home for mundane thoughts. As it expels them, the nourishing self-reflecting thoughts swim in and comforts the soul. __________________________________ The excellent trip to Leh has spoiled me. i so thoroughly enjoyed the chance meetings with people, the absolute no planning, being alone at times, that...

on our bike trip to Mt. Abu, we visited 'brahmakumaris' centre as well. man! the prime real estate they were sitting on.. its obscene. well, whats more obscene is the importance they attach to the concept of 'purity'. I have come to absolutely abhore this concept, that has no sound philosophical basis and is championed by almost all religious zealots in defence of their every act. What is this purity? its a mechanism of guilt induction into gullible souls. its a mechanism of injecting doubt about oneself. An assymetry of information is absolutely essential for this concept to exist. there will be someone to tell you what you are to do to absolve oneself of impurities. The implicit hierarchy here means that you must submit your individuality and freedom to think for yourself, and instead play dumb charades to the tune of some dumb fucks masquerading as gurus/preachers/teachers/whatever. i know of horror stories born of 'purity'. where relationships were irration...