Digging for Meaning

This is a Charles Bukowski poem called "All the way". Essentially, his thesis is that you must go 'all the way' whatever the cost may be. And I felt, what a fucking loser is this wierdo. I mean, I have read his 'Post office' and it is a kickass piece of literature. But what I realise now is that an incomplete and naive philosophy of self-absorbed nihilism possibly informed his work. Problem 1: All the way with what? We see a lot of this kind of inspirational bullshit being shared by people these days - exhorting people to do what they want to do. But the problem is no one these days knows what he/she wants to do. These videos and poems only add to consumerist angst whose only beneficiary is the capitalist power centers and not the social organism called human.(" Must do something, don't know what.. running with expensive shoes seems to be working for some as per commercials, let me try that." ) Purposeless souls are angstily drifting from...

1. Anger is Comedy Bill Hicks, George Carlin.. most comedy is  disguised tension. Raju Hirani's brilliance is in channelling that anger seamlessly into a narrative that flows from seemingly light-hearted comedy (even when it is subversive) to empathetic realisation. In act-one of his films, you laugh. In act-two you can't help but cry with mirth/ empathy. This is why his Munnabhai films are classics. Your reactions are not voluntary. the jokes do make you laugh, and the denouement does make you cry. With PK, Hirani got the first part very well - subversive comedy that gets laughs and nods. The second part however, seemed to lack in empathy. Anger as comedy worked, anger realised was 'lull'. 2. To think or to feel?  Maybe it was the wooden performance by Aamir Khan who is supposed to be an alien. Maybe, it was the paternalistic tone of the film that tries to teach people a little too hard. But mostly, it was the lack of clarity in script. Who were we supp...

The trailer doesn't do justice to the film. The film is much more entertaining... until the climax. Well paced, right insights, right punches... and then the movie ends much before it should have. The movie has an 'adarsh baccha' climax. ( I can visualise 'the system' petting the film makers for towing the line.) The movie makers took the insight and then stripped it off its ambition, its angst.At the end all that remains is a sense of disappointment. The movie is about a few youngsters who show the middle finger to the system to protest against their powerlessness. Now,  I love stories of subversion -  V for Vendetta,  Fight Club or even the Dead Poets Society.  There is a certain ambition in subversion. Fight club destroys credit card companies. V blows up the symbols of power centres. Even the students in the dead poets society stand on the desk in defiance to the head master. These movies identify the power centre and subvert it.  Ungli makers didn...

Watched 'Happy New Year' and 'Bang Bang' recently. Why do I do this to myself.. 1. The inevitability You begin watching such movies with a sense of inevitability. That you are bound to be disappointed and yet one must soldier on and watch these monstrosities. The inevitability is due part us and part the makers. us - because we are addicted to junk. Its the cola and chips we can't live without. Makers - because those assholes buy up the entirety of screen inventory. During Diwali, families do tend to go to watch movies together. Its almost a tradition in many a middle class families. and then once you reach your favourite multiplexes with their many screens, the only choice you have is the show time. the makers have put their clout to use and all screens are running the same damn film. They are 100 cr films by default. Poor (rich) junta has no option but to hope that their family does not mind the 'mindless fun'. Just look sideways while watching film ...

http://online.wsj.com/articles/book-review-a-time-to-attack-by-matthew-kroenig-1403220920 The link is to a WSJ review of a book written by an apparent trigger happy lunatic. The book in question is called 'a time to attack'. Clue no. 1 about the psychiatric help that the author needs. How should one read this? 1. The conclusion is the title, why read the rest of the book? who wants to read a story without any suspense? who  reads a story backwards? The answer is, the ones who are in agreement, but are either  in conflict with self over that position or want to be able to convince others. So the book is obviously not for people who want to figure things out or understand the very complicated situation that we are in. (Why not 'the Iran problem'/ 'the nuclear question') It is for the ones who are too impatient to appreciate complexities and want simple 'final' answers. People who seek vicarious fulfillment in abstract far away conflicts in a bid to ...

Just read a post from the crowd-sourced diary of narcissists - thoughtcatalog.com The post is called ' Why I’m Trading A House And Salary For A Motorcycle And Map ' Please read it, because this blog post is a reaction to it. Let me quickly summarise here the intent of the post anyways. Its a self congratulatory essay that crowd sources validation for a seemingly 'crazy' idea of the author. And apparently there is a moral to the story. Curious thing to note - the gratification is pre-action - the author has not actually done anything of note yet. He plans to. Maybe . and that is why this post is such an important artifact defining the current times. The author is an adult. (atleast 30 years old. Also the fact that he owns a house that he can sell. and in his words " I've officially notified everyone who works in my office ".) But not quite. (the entire article. Also, he mentions the word 'motorcycle' gushingly 6 times.)  Some of his gems.  ...

I attended a pecha kucha event recently where a few entrepreneurs came to share their experiences.  The experience was illuminating in a whole different way. Hence this post. What I am writing here, is less of criticism, and more of a reminder to self of what not to do. Especially because, people tend to congratulate for even wrong things as long as you have a podium. So while I am in audience, and have my faculties unencumbered by reality-distorting-praise and encouragement, I will write down the pitfalls that I should avoid.  About entrepreneurship 1. "Indian people don't understand"/ "Indians haven't evolved."/ "Its so tough to teach Indians" My jaws dropped with horror as 3 entrepreneurs made such comments at the event .  I really felt like helping their poor souls. But then I caught myself in the irony of my wish - I wanted to 'teach' them, as they wanted to teach 'me' (an Indian). But how can any entrepreneurs succee...

saw ' pom poko '. Its a story of how an able, happy community of tanukis face their extinction in the face of rapid urbanisation that causes the loss of their homeland, their lifestyle and their food. Its really amazing how Japanese movie makers so empathetically voice dissent while fully cognizant of the futility of it all. The sense of capitulation at the climax of many such movies are scripted in a way to invoke not a sense of loss, but a sense of preservation of whatever small life, pride and identity is left. Under the mask of laughter, there is a vigorous attempt at forgetting the loss and making the most of the present. I wonder how deeply has Hiroshima affected the Japanese psyche, or does this sense of 'interal triumph in face of imminent capitulation' goes beyond Hiroshima, in their amazingly rich culture? ____ while thinking of this, got reminded of the Japanese response to the Tsunami in march 2011. Had read about their belief of ' wa wo mottte toutos...

Frankly, i don't know much about the guy. I don't watch TV, and don't follow much of any pop culture. But the amount of Justin-Beiber-bashing I come across is ridiculous. All sorts of unrelated videos on youtube have comments about him. As a phenomenon, he is certainly quite a brand; to command such humongous share of global mind space, truly amazing.The bashing might really be helping him consolidate his brand. But what irks me is the mindless obsession people have about his image. He is all of a sudden the yardstick of pop-cultural-degradation . Lets call the unit a 'bib'. so a jersey shore would be 1.9 bib, as compared to say lady gaga being 0.7 bib. hmm.. i like this. guess will use it in this blog here-after. :P I am digressing. His music is supposedly for 13 year olds. If you are not a 13 yr old or don't feel like one, you do not have to listen to him. stop complaining. he isn't singing for/to you. there is a world beyond you. let go. let go of tha...

how is someone's life worth more than someone else's? I am watching ' enter the void' the second time. The first time, it was a total trip, like none before. Its an experience out of this world. But second time sober viewing left a few lingering thoughts. The drug dealer dies a sorry death. But that does not mean its an end of existence of his soul. He finds a way of being with his beloved sister again. If death is absence of life, then he never really dies. Then is it more important to live a life fully, or is it more important to lend a meaning to a life through affecting a change in the world we inhabit? When we talk of worth of someone, is it fair to put the weight of world on him? Is Gandhi's life worth more than his assassin's? Is his life worth more than the little organisms who feasted on his remains? And if we accept that every one has a role to play in this world, how do we perceive violence and love in it? Gandhi wanted to change the world to a ...

Ordinariness has such melancholic grace to it. Perhaps, its the finality of its evident fall that leads to submission, that stillness. Just saw the movie ' The illusionist '. Its script was written by Jacques Tati , one of the most wonderful film makers ever. Most of his movies are keen empathetic witnesses to the effect of modernity on a simple human existence. When I saw his movie, 'playtime', I was spellbound with the many layers of stories woven in a comic portrayal of  a man navigating a modern city. Watching the Illusionist, reminded me of the fragility of our identity. The movie is about a magician who is finding it more and more difficult to get work due to advent of modern entertainment of rock music and television. One scene is especially telling, when people in the cities are not at all interested in his acts, while in a village in Scotland, his acts gets appreciated. A woman tags along being awestruck with his ways. He tries to earn more to keep her happy,...

What makes one cling to fantasies so dearly? I can understand the impulse to run away from your life. But what color is your courage that pushes you beyond the limits of truth? To suspend reality and recede in thoughts. To forget and to belong. I just saw a docudrama ' catfish '. The movie chronicles online exchanges that is just about to evolve into a  relationship which takes a new turn due to uncovering of a deception. While I suspect that it might be scripted itself, it certainly strikes you with its reality. Our reality, that is only defined by the deceptions around us. How fragile are we? To need to run away from reality so often? So your partner vice is the cigarette, his' is grass (respect!), her's is booze, but everyone's hooked onto the internet the most. Kids slip deep under the blanket to escape reality. But when someone takes away the blanket, the kid has to face the real world. Game over. Grown ups shut down the world around and populate the wor...

Sigur Ros makes me cry and then their music fills me with contentment and equanimity. Like everything in the world is beautiful and so wonderful and true. It paints the world in the colors of innocence. Makes me want to hug all and everything. Sigur Ros's music is sheer beauty. Buddha would have loved them.

"A favourite pastime in summer is watching the sand dunes whirl and inch their way right through the twisting narrow streets of the old town, to exit back into the desert again." so says an article in Outlook. Must sit there, roll a joint and stare out at the desert again. Pushkar had its charm, but I have never yet given deserts it due. I must spend some time in awe of the magnificent Thar soon. Reminds me of the lovely, dreamy movie 'road,movie' . Its not a movie actually. Its a dreamscape on celluloid. Watching it felt like watching ' 2001, a space odyssey ' when high. Its feels like flying in infinity. over vastness. being part of something great yet being just a mr. nothing. The vast expanses of dry land and blue skys. What a movie.

I saw two Mumbais this weekend.One through the movie- ' Dhobi Ghaat ' and another through ' City of gold' ; two completely different mumbais but all the same. Completely different narratives, but still gave the same stale smell of mumbai's stifling sea of humanity. While one movie had its politic about mumbai, the other was completely personal and intimate. Both talked about classes, but while one made me glad that I am from the privileged class the other once again filled me with nostalgia. I found 'City of Gold' to be very dark and over powering. I couldn't help but identify with the narrator's constant disgust, this sense of suffocation throughout the film. Even the scenes of happiness were quickly curtailed with the knife of cynicism laced violence. The movie laid out its politics, its helplessness, its accusations bare. The rich mill owner's disgust of the workers ("Bhikari" he keeps on barking, even before his imminent death) a...

As a kid I always loved cartoons. I would watch them all day and I would buy those disney/painting books to copy draw those characters. Every single cartoon character that I found interesting would promptly get reproduced on one of my drawing books. exactly. I was messy with water colors and like. so I would stick to pencil and sketch pens for these. I would not bother about the colors, but the form was something I could exactly replicate. with pen you can exactly draw what you want. but with brush it requires discipline, something that nothing i have tried my hands at has been able to bestow upon me.  So it was a little weird for me when I first started attempting to use water colors.  With paintings, the colors take primacy (especially in landscape or imagined drawings) over how the image is to be created rather than the boundaries as would be the case (or i thought) with pencil drawings. That is a huge learning i had much later, until which i had given up on painting. I...

I was reading Art India’s review about chintan upadyay’s oeuvre, where it says that his conception of an artist is ‘Warholian’. Wtf is warholian. Warhol was a great artist. He had a certain distinct vision, a distinct style. But when Chintan Upadyay can be ‘warhol like’ why should he be a ‘warholian’? Well, my trouble is not with chintan or Warhol but with this tendency by writers, reporters to turn everything ‘ian’ to give undue depth to an argument, especially when people’s styles don’t remain styles but apparently a discipline due to the suffix ‘ian’. So we get warholian, lovecraftian, well why not pawarian? I have certain distinct traits, well none expressed to the world with any beauty or originality but in my world I am quite pawarian and this pawarian-ness is quite important to me. So to sum up my request, stop turning famous people’s traits into disciplines.

I am gravely worried for the fate of India’s cultural empire. More than the Indian army or its embassies and aid packages, it’s the movie machine of Mumbai that has helped India raise its cultural flag beyond India. From Afghanistan to Japan, from Russia to south east Asia, Bollywood has found devout followers everywhere. This cultural advocacy helps corporate bodies when they march their imperialist marches into these countries. Hey, a dancing, overtly emotional Indian is better than a Kung-fu fighting Chinese.   But, Bollywood is losing its hold here at home. Its becoming a caricature of it's imagined self. The ‘desi’ moviegoer is increasingly being subjected to only Punjabi and Gujarati London/Canada dreams. The mainstream movies are rarely even shot in India at all. Since the moneyed few rules what is to be made, the available palette is primarily composed of galling stories of people falling in love in some white suburb of NY or some such world of big white people, where surpr...

I know, it might sound unduly parochial and unaccommodating of minorities perhaps, but why is Sanjay Leela Bhansali stuck on European sensibility? I am not questioning his choice of Goan catholic community as the backdrop for his stories (But even then there aren’t as many white people in Goa who dance the flamingo and wear jackets all the time or wear the Spanish gypsy dresses. In the movie most of the actors are very fair. Hmmm, perhaps it’s the Indian movies prerogative.), but his artistic liberty that is very narrowly defined by a certain romance with European visual culture and obscene opulence. What really bothers is, we don’t have many poetic visionaries creating beautiful cinemas, and the one we have is hopelessly afflicted with myopic obsession with a certain style that robs much from his story telling. Guzaarish is beautiful at times, but then it was actually supposed to be about life’s wonder and an individual’s choice. The beauty s...

The first time I read about Semiconductor was at a blog , and it showcased their excellent art piece called brilliant noise . I was totally sucked into their gaze. It was amazing what they were doing with scientific data and observations and using sound innovatively to create one masterpiece after another. I wish to see their installation in person sometime in future. Then came the magnetic movie. I don't have far too many grey cells and had to struggle to see if what was being projected was real or cgi. Amazing nevertheless. and then i kept going through their work. especially their work 'out of the light' . I was enamored with the idea's simplicity and its sheer beauty. In Ladakh, once I had taken a video of shadows and lights falling through leaves and how a cloud passing over us changed the shadow-light interaction, and this work reminded me of it.  They seem to have a penchant for sound corresponding to the light's intensity on screen and time lapse magic. ...