Cleaving the self

There's a me from past. There's a me that exists now. There's a me in the future (hopefully). Does it do any good to consider these three me's as one? I make excuses for the past me. I push my responsibility on the future me.  I never really am conscious of the actual 'me' of now. To live responsibly, to live at my maximum capability, I need to live in now. to be here. to own up the moment. to not begin with the assumption that i will have another chance, that i have enough time, i was the best in the past, that i have proven myself... i must truly cut my past and future self away from me. The me from past is another person. I can judgementally look at him and must see his faults for what they truly are. I shouldn't give him the benefit of doubt of being me. His successes are his successes, so are his failures. His story is his. And everyday i have an opportunity to start anew.
I am born anew everyday. And as such, i must not take for granted anything. Must…

Fragile 2020

Its june 2020 now. its been five and half months since the start of the year. But it feels like decades now. Three months of being anxious and home-bound. Rising covid cases. Migrants dying of govt apathy. Cyclone ravaging parts of country. Police brutality everywhere. The inspirational Black Lives Matter struggles in US. Libya, Lebanon, Iran, Yemen in crisis. Mass unemployment across the world. Economy in tailspin even as stock market zooms up for god knows why.
Earthquakes. Mudslides. Oil spill in Russian arctic. Oil well burning uncontrollably in Assam. Wildfires in US, Canada, Russia. Warming planet. Wild life in peril.
World being led by idiots like Trump, Bolsonaro, our esteemed great leader. Only countries with women leaders fared better(Germany, NZ). That says something, doesn't it?
Trust in authority is waning. news is suspect. facts are questionable. conspiracies lurk around every corner. So misinformation rules and scapegoats get crucified even as the real players cont…

Jagged line of time

On our birthdays, do we really 'turn' a year older? or to put it another way what changes when we grow older? what does it mean to be 35, 59 or 87?

there's the reality of degradation of body, accumulation of experiences, calcifying of certain biases and prejudices, getting used to certain rituals and practices and so on.
but none of these things are linear. so why should age be?

I wonder about notions of age among people in pre-industrial societies. they probably weren't as obsessed about linear growth as we are. Capitalism thrives on an ever expanding baloon of abundance and consumption. So that sense of growing permeates everything. we are supposed to get better, stronger, wiser, faster at everything. if we can't we are supposed to 'buy' tools for it. That's the basis of capitalism. if we stopped that want, the engine of capitalism will come to a grinding halt.
Imagine yourself free of that want! no need for 'growth'. no sense of milestones. no b…

Why are you laughing?

"why are you laughing?"
Laughter can be the pin that deflates egos. Whether it was intended or not.
The laughter is merely the trigger. It can only deflate egos that are outsized, stretching beyond the reality of self. the one sticking to the skin of self-awareness, doesn't get punctured by anything.

At moments like these, laughter is the sound of punctured egos.


"Why are you laughing?"
For a mind that tries to see more, it finds reasons to be amused by.
There's the amusingly drunk ant. There's that ever so slight tilt of the wall (or maybe the ground?).
There's that scent from someone's perfume that reminds you of the time you threw up the first time you drank. There's an accent which makes you curious. There's that sideways glance your colleague does mid-sentence, that alerts you to your own body's impulse of betraying you when you bluff. There's that profound absurdity of staring at glowing rectangles all day. There'…


I am reading 'Whiplash' by Joi Ito. Its a book attempting to make sense of complexity of the new rapidly changing world. Surprisingly, it counters the complexity of the world with simplistic perspectives that are relevant only in certain situations.
I have read the first two chapters so far. The first was about 'emergence' over 'authority', second about 'pull' over 'push'. These are essentially prescriptions for alternate systems of organisations. emergence refers to the capability of living things to respond to situation by organising without authority, without visible co-ordination, animated with simple actions and reactions, not chain of commands. This occurs in nature fairly commonly - ants working together for example. The sum is greater than individual parts.
The second concept of 'pull' is variant of the same theme in a sense. pull is 'just in time' response to a situation, rather than a planned 'push' for an occa…

The king is pregnant

I intend to write science fiction. Hence I am reading it.

Ursula K Le Guin's 'The Left hand of darkness'. 

She wrote this in 1969.
If she were to write it now, I would think it would be a completely different novel.

It is a story set on a cold planet where people do not have one gender. For the most of the time, they are neither male nor female. Once a month, they go in kemmer, a state of being either male or female and desirous of sex. And when they meet an earthling, they think of him as a pervert for being always in kemmer, always male.

This perspective though revolutionary, remains the setting and never quite drives the narrative. And that was disappointing for me when i read the book.
When i picked up the book, all I knew about the book was this perspective on gender. And it made me really curious of what can happen differently in this world. Instead, I got a story that emphasizes the similarity of the human condition across the planets, across the different evoluti…

Fences around our minds

I have made up my mind,
About your unsound mind.

I have made up my mind,
About your unsound mind.

aha.. and so have you, is it?
And yet, here we are
cackling at each other.

aha.. and so have you, is it?
And yet, here we are
cackling at each other.
I can shout louder
and I have stapled shut my ears.
and how dare you look away?
look at me! hear me!

I can shout louder
and I have stapled shut my ears. and how dare you look away? look at me! hear me! 

listen to me!

listen to me! LISTEN TO ME! 
and stop pushing me,
stop talking
Your problem is YOU just won't listen.

and stop pushing me, stop talking Your problem is YOU just won't listen.
Oh yes, oh yes?
talk sense you numbskull.
YOU are a lobotomized dandelion
you are a snowflake robot.

Oh yes, oh yes?  talk sense you numbskull. YOU are a headless cocroach
You clueless sheeple.

YOU shut up
YOU shut up Listen to ME
Listen to ME
You You ME ME ME
MooH MooH
MooH Moooooo Mooooooo