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media effects

These days Media effects is my fav subject. and studying it has helped me in atleast one thing. It let me identify things in me that gives the reigns of my life back to me. I have, to an extent, successfully de-sanitized myself. A certain kind of person, me and a certain others, tend to be swayed more with the underlying assumptions of the mediated message. and in a certain way. I tend to see reflections of myself in others, mostly. So when I see this person - who cringes at someone else's slightest touch. who backsup with revulsion at things 'mass'. who increasingly prefers abstracted content, cause emotions laid bare irritate like scratching sound on glass. who is running on the treadmill of choices and can't stop. who is so afraid of oneself's vulnerability that won't let it out for even a moment and goes out of way to hide 'em. who can't decide about oneself's emotions since the invisible other that media constructs has to be consulted but remains mum at primal moments. who constructs unnecessary distances between relations, emotions and within. - i wish for them to be set free.
fucked up life. I atleast know that its a fucked up life. There's much hubris in that statement, but i am learning to not care of my hubris.


[This thought had come in the form of two succint lines to me. and now when i put them to paper, the thought is hardly communicable and so many unnecesary words fill the space up. shit.]

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Ctrl-tab
Ctrl-tab...
Scroll Scroll Scoll..
Alt-tab
Alt-tab...
Catch yourself slipping away.

Deep  breath. 

Close the browser. silence the mobile and turn it away.

Open an offline-real-paper diary. Stop your thighs from lolling impatiently. Stay still. 

Pick up a pen awkwardly. ahh, the fingers are stiff. It will take a  while for them to get used to holding a pen. Quick finger exercise - open the palm, stretch finger outwards, close into a fist, dig the fingers in. Repeat.
Ok now.. about to pick up the pen again, but eyes dart towards the screen. Tempted to check email.

Shut up. The last consequential email came two months ago. Nothing of consequence is online.

Pick up the pen. Don't fetishize the object now. Get on with it. Put it on paper, write a word and start it already. If I get to a sentence, perhaps I will get into a flow and won't have to look up from the paper at all. 

One sentence later.

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