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Body

I don’t quite understand the premium on nudity. It's as if we collectively want to relegate a part of us to fiction. Fantasy even. Fantasy I can understand. ;).

Of course, it's the strong possessiveness over each other’s body that has led to this. I do not understand if I should feel guilty when I feel that kind of possessiveness. It's unmistakable, it's undeniable, though the rational me wants to disown that feeling. In my utopia, that feeling won’t exist, relationships would be a step above such baser instincts. But you know, as well as I, that it's simply impossible. The very man-woman dynamics is governed by this strong feeling of possession, in some way or another. In the world we live in, where our senses and even body is projected and extended, this feeling reaches out with it's tentacles in different ways. See, how a couple tries to maneuver each other’s body when with friends, each with politics of his/her own. Hear, their lingering voices, trying to communicating something to others more than their partner. Drawing the territory of their space through it.

But it's unfortunate the side effect of the ensuing jealousy and insecurity is channeled in breaking our body into parts with different desirability quotient. It's as if, our body is not a continuum but a juxtaposed ensemble. Funny, that the feeling of possessiveness never sees body thus, it's a whole when one desires it. Only when we act upon that feeling, do we start deconstructing the body.

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Withdrawal symptoms

Ctrl-tab
Ctrl-tab...
Scroll Scroll Scoll..
Alt-tab
Alt-tab...
Catch yourself slipping away.

Deep  breath. 

Close the browser. silence the mobile and turn it away.

Open an offline-real-paper diary. Stop your thighs from lolling impatiently. Stay still. 

Pick up a pen awkwardly. ahh, the fingers are stiff. It will take a  while for them to get used to holding a pen. Quick finger exercise - open the palm, stretch finger outwards, close into a fist, dig the fingers in. Repeat.
Ok now.. about to pick up the pen again, but eyes dart towards the screen. Tempted to check email.

Shut up. The last consequential email came two months ago. Nothing of consequence is online.

Pick up the pen. Don't fetishize the object now. Get on with it. Put it on paper, write a word and start it already. If I get to a sentence, perhaps I will get into a flow and won't have to look up from the paper at all. 

One sentence later.

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