Skip to main content

Stop bitching. Start acting.


Exhibit A
Have you seen posts like these on FB lately?

What are they about?
A person witnesses some 'wrong' act. He/ She promptly takes a picture of the wrong act. He/she hurries to upload it to social media in an effort to shame the person in question.
Earlier, a photograph of a car's number plate did the rounds online. apparently, the guy driving the car had spit on the road. and so on... all misdemeanors that should ideally be sorted in 'real world' of flesh and bones through polite conversations.

Exhibit A-
Here, a grey haired gentleman opened a door to a cafe for two other gentlemen. The other two gentlemen supposedly did not say 'thank you'. Were they too busy? Were they in a serious discussion, the sort where you forget the world altogether? Do we know anything about them at all? No. We don't.
All we have is this one photo that the indignant-FB-guy (IFG) took without asking the two people in question.

and look at the reaction - It ranges from ridiculing these two strangers to turning this non-incident into a symbol of all that is wrong with India.
"whn ppl do that to me I say 'You're Welcome' loudly."
".OMG ##### the man has the biggest HORNS on his head........what did you expect.....Cattle class !!"
"As an Indian, I always wondered if its the sheer number of bodies perpetually jostling around us, which make us immune to so many civil and civic sensibilities... but then I think of Japan, which is even more congested than us, bowing their butts off.."
"Lovrd this. The so called educated forget basic courtesy and need to be publicly shamed"
"I know them. They share the same name: "Most Indians" "
What does it tell you about how these online people see themselves? 
They are ridiculing strangers for a misdemeanour that they did not know for certain if it happened or not. But one serious breach of manners and ethics went unnoticed.
No one is asking IFG, if it was right of him to take a picture of stranger without their permission. Is it good manners? Is it ethical to invade privacy like this?

Secondly, see how quick we distance ourselves.
me who knows better v/s most Indians, the cattle class. 

On social media, even I am a theorist and intellectual. So obviously, there are a few ones who dissect the incident, albeit in a congratulatory tone. 

Its like an online group of bullies, trying to bully someone who is smaller than them, not present at all!

 Everybody relishes in this online distance - I can safely be a voyeur and a judge! I am omnipotent and always right!


What do you think should be a pre-digital, pre-cowardice reaction to the incident? Wouldn't it be easier to go over and ask for that 'thank you' that you think was a right response?
It's quite certain that IFG wanted to 'teach a lesson'. Everybody online feels that way, so I don't blame him. But why not teach a lesson there and then. Wouldn't it be more effective?
Or was IFG too scared of a possible altercation afterward? Or did he think that he would receive more satisfaction if he posts it online. 

Why am I bothering to write about this at all?
I don't mean to disrespect IFG or commentators. But I am worried about a growing trend of voyeurism and cowardice. We are so afraid of interacting with other people, that we would rather take their picture from safe distance and post it publicly, than go and talk with them and try to understand them. We are so afraid of interacting with other people, that we are becoming less and less human-like.


Why is it a worrisome trend?
Do you remember reactions of people who were passing by naked limp bodies on the street that fateful morning in Delhi's winter?
Do you remember the incident in UK where a person was busy taking picture while he could have saved a man's life?
and there are so many other such stories.. it just fills me with hopelessness. and it feels even worse when I resort to blogging about it.
And there is really only one thing we need to do to change things. To react at all time. question the wrong. Talk. Help. Prod. Call someone. tap on the shoulder and say thank you/sorry. whatever.
But we must REACT as and when a reaction is due. A delayed online reaction for self-gratification will be the doom of our civilization. I am not exaggerating here.

In real life, often we have immediate costs and uncertain gain. We chose online because it gives you immediate satisfaction with seemingly no cost.
If we converse with a stranger in real life, there is a risk of having to waste hours if the stranger turns out to be a bore/ danger of a psychopath... versus the possibility of pleasure in conversation and learning new things. We are increasingly choosing to converse online since you can shut out anytime online, but if the conversation is pleasant, one can take it forward.
Similarly, even about social consciousness - India is starved of volunteers who do actual work, but there is no dearth of online campaigners. 
and worse of all, in times of distress. Honestly ask yourself: The last time you saw someone in distress, what did you do? Did you help the person? or did you walk away after telling yourself some comforting fiction? ('There might be someone else who is helping her/him', 'there are already people there, what is the need for me?', 'I really shouldn't get involved in things like these. It might be dangerous')


Long term scenario
Imagine our dependence on law and authority that this kind of behavior will necessitate. Imagine the sheer terror as people relinquish reactions and stop even acting in self preservation. We are becoming so fragile and wary of danger. We are increasingly less alive.

Answer to all current questions
Questions like - increasing safety concerns for women, increasing feeling of purposelessness, increasing distances in relationships and even the prevalence of bad manners...
Answer to all these question is in a shift of our behavior.
We have to consciously make an effort to react with action, thought and empathy right when it is due. 
If you see someone throwing trash where he shouldn't. Help him be better.
If you see someone trying to harm someone else. raise an alarm/ call police/ use your brain.
If you see someone in distress. You better help him/her. If you don't, you are just as responsible for his/her plight. 
If you see someone who doesn't appreciate your good manners, tell him what you think of it. Don't worry, no one's going to bite you. most of us are quite decent folks. (scared and with different world view, but decent nevertheless).

If your action is to only post about it online, it really is an exercise in narcissism. It is not a benevolent act. It is a selfish act where a person could have been helped, instead you chose to victimize him and derive pleasure out of this public shaming. 

Here's a little chant that you could memorise and tell yourself at all times - 'React! React! React! React! React!... 108/42/786 times (depending on your religious inclination) and repeat.
If we all react when it is due, the world would surely be a much more safer, kinder, confident place.

Comments

Just want to say a big Thank You!!! :)
shubho said…
Superb post, thanks. I am the guy who took the pic, so must clarify certain things. 1, There's no breach of privacy, this was a public place. If someone misbehaves in a public place, I do have the right to flag it. 2. Doubtful if intervention would have resolved the matter - the point here was flagging boorish behaviour. All of us have been on the receiving side, even indulged in it. There is a universal cultural trait here. It is my belief social media can help - while I agree it could be misused. Yes of course, but I'd rather speak up on a medium I use frequently than stay silent.
Cheers and have a nice day.
supriyo said…
So nicely jotted down. Am moved by your observations. A very strong and effective piece..... Thanks yoouuu!:)
Ajinkya said…
@shubho
thank you for your appreciation. and I agree, we need to change and yes, saying up is better than not saying at all.
But we also must react always when it is due.

@supriyo
thank you for your appreciation. :)
chaitanya said…
I agree. I'd rather have one stranger step in and help me out of this medium-sticky situation than have an army of facebook likers talking about it and doing nothing but cause me more trauma.

Popular posts from this blog

Why I repair my shoe

I have 3 shoes. One formal, One sport shoe and another a mix of the two. The last one is particularly awesome, cause of its uniqueness. It looks like a formal shoe, but is as comfortable and flexible as a sport shoe. I bought it for my first job in Mumbai. I was newly rich and was expected to behave like one. I found this gem of pure black leather in a Colaba Causeway showroom. Quite a find. But its been almost two years now and the shoe shows its age. For all its awesomeness, its quite a weak shoe, to give out so early. I have stitched it, got new laces, and strengthened its sole. It doesn't look shiny anymore cause the leather has suffered from a few hostile trespasses. I think, like a man, things too should be allowed to carry their scars. Shiny scar-less men are just so... irrelevant. 

Since childhood, I have been used to using things for long times. Clothes, equipments, shoes etc. I can't just throw things away cause they don't look as good anymore or they don't w…

Reading India through 'Dictator's handbook'

What's the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship?
The book says, not much. India, agrees. Current political dispensation especially agrees vigorously.

"Soma" of hindutva and past glory + divided impoverished amnesiac masses + legitimised attack on individual rights + tremendous wealth shared among few = brave new world of oligarchical India.


Essentially, democracies/ dictatorships etc., are simply variants of the same power dynamic between the ruler, essentials, influentials and inter-changeables.

Interchangeables are the nominal selectorate - the individual voters who have nominal (or cosmetic) power to choose leader - most of us.
Influentials  are the real selectorate - the guys who really choose the leader. In US recently, the electoral college famously went against the popular vote and elected a clown as their president instead. In India, theoretically, the system is a bit better in terms of a wider base of influentials - it could be religious gurus, party…

How many shots of the girl dancing or laughing aimlessly does it take to establish her as a Manic pixie dream girl?

Learning from bad writing: Meri Pyaru bindu These days I am writing my first story that I intend to complete and publish. So as you can imagine, I am in the writer mode most of the time - anxiously looking for writer's intent, choices, character arcs, alternate story lines etc, while watching any movie or reading any novel. With a well written story, these choices are not that apparent. You have to look hard and yet you might miss out on essential choices that the writer made, to make the film/ novel a great piece of art. It feels as if the story flowed out from the author's mind onto paper with zero loss in translation. For that reason, it is difficult to learn much from good writing. It inspires, yes of course. It helps you get in the mood or get into the right frame of mind. But it can't teach as well as a badly written movie/ novel can.
A badly written story makes you aware of your own fallibility. It grounds you. Most importantly, it helps you see the many ways in wh…