What is it?

Words flow in my veins down through fingers into the paper. Diffusing a bit, infusing a scent of the moment. The scent thats clouding over this desk is of something else... something i have often felt, but never completely understood; something so much a part of me, that i am oblivious to it for most of the times.
The scent is sombre, hot and a bit stiffling, contrasting the cold winds that blow freely these days in Nasik. The scent hangs in this air that i breath, unmoving, with its heavy anchor in my heart. i can feel its weight.. trying to go deeper. (no kiddin')
what is it? my brain is screaming with urgency..what is it?
I am not happy.I am not sad. why must it always be either or a combination of these? there must be an alternative. Why cant i take a deep breath of reason, and dive into the vast ocean of the 'uber reality'..the conscience..the nature..the counterpart of reason?
Ahh..god doesnt let us reach the choiciest gifts so easily.

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