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Life of an idea/ Stay still

Read this while listening to this
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Stay still,
Stay still world.
You are moving too much
Too fast
To everywhere and staying nowhere
waiting for no one
thinking of no one
bumping into things
breaking things
blowing up things
can you please take a break?

where are you taking us?
where are we taking you, you ask?
who's driving this thing? who's in charge?
i am?  i don't even...

where's the breaks? where's the breaks?
who put me in charge? Let me out of here. Let me out!
there is no way out, is there?
and i am not the only one driving this either, am I?
I am craning my neck here
and every time I exert a little, I see another head driving this thing.
in every direction.

Time please!
hey, i am calling for a recess.
goddamnit stop every one.
fucking deaf, everyone.

Stop dragging me.
alright, I will run with you, will you let me catch up, please. asshole.
alright, alright. you know where you are going?
no. hmm. that other guy seems like he know where he's headed.
Maybe he can help us.

So Mr., where are you headed?
but there's no such place or time or thing or animal.
no i am not calling you a fool.
yes yes, the hundreds running with you cannot all be idiots.
('yes they can be. and they are')
err... good day to you sir, i have to be somewhere else, I am afraid.

Bigger the idiot, surer is the person
and faster he pulls the world around him.
fuck 'em.
so what do i do?
can't stop, can't join idiots.
there must be non-idiots amongst us?
there must be.

hello! anyone here who knows 2+2, cost of carbon, direction to a pub or value of silence?
anyone?
damn the noise.
no one can hear me or wants to hear me.
no one wants questions, everyone wants answers.
so should i 'fake it till i make it'?


Hear hear, 
the magic stillness is here. 
listen to me and the noise will disappear. 
Here, sit on a chair, have a beer. 
goddamnit, will you shut up for a minute, dear?
stay still now, nothing to fear. 
We are building the temple of silence
and now you are our fellow silencer. 
you feel better about it, deep down? good. 
now tear out your shirt sleeve,
bundle 'em up and stuff it in your ear. 
now tear out your shirt collar,
and put in in front of your eyes. 
now tear out the pocket square
and hold it in front of your mouth. 
there. 
there you go. 
now you are ready, for a world you need not fear. 
for now. 

hmm.. its a little better now, isn't it.
moving along alright.
can't tame the global beast, but can atleast make my world manageable.
here comes another.
what are you saying? there's no place, time, animal or thing as silence you say?
you calling me a fool boy?
yes, you better. get lost.

this felt like deja vu.
i am forgetting something i feel.
was the kid right? am i fool? is there such a thing as silence?
can i even change my mind now?
what about those who believe me?
i faked it till i made it.
but nothing's changed.
perhaps, its best to not think about it.

believe, believe, believe.
there is no other way.

 

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Withdrawal symptoms

Ctrl-tab
Ctrl-tab...
Scroll Scroll Scoll..
Alt-tab
Alt-tab...
Catch yourself slipping away.

Deep  breath. 

Close the browser. silence the mobile and turn it away.

Open an offline-real-paper diary. Stop your thighs from lolling impatiently. Stay still. 

Pick up a pen awkwardly. ahh, the fingers are stiff. It will take a  while for them to get used to holding a pen. Quick finger exercise - open the palm, stretch finger outwards, close into a fist, dig the fingers in. Repeat.
Ok now.. about to pick up the pen again, but eyes dart towards the screen. Tempted to check email.

Shut up. The last consequential email came two months ago. Nothing of consequence is online.

Pick up the pen. Don't fetishize the object now. Get on with it. Put it on paper, write a word and start it already. If I get to a sentence, perhaps I will get into a flow and won't have to look up from the paper at all. 

One sentence later.

Ahh. That was good. I am feeling good about myself. The sentence makes sense. …