Skip to main content

Grownups turning into toddlers in Indian high rises

[This is a ridiculous diagnosis]
Beware! A ghastly disease is on rise these days. It turns a perfectly capable adult into a challenged toddler who needs assistance.

Who is at risk?
It is sweeping across glass towers, big cars and countless cabins in city offices across India. Specifically, perfectly capable adults who start earning 7 figure salaries tend to be at high risk of turning into a differently-abled toddler. So the initial observations allude to it being a classist disease.

Recent studies have revealed that, being wealthy is not the only determinant - it affects people who tend to make irrational choices - such as purchase of INR 35,000 for a laptop bag when one can buy another that is just as good for around INR 1,000.
The irrationality alludes to it being a mental disease rather than a physical disability.

Symptoms 
They seem perfectly capable, healthy even, but are unable to do the most basic human action ever - of carrying one's own bags/ dishes/ wipes.

People who tend to own expensive bags are rendered disabled to hold/ lift/ carry these bags themselves. 
People who can (and do) gorge on the contents of the tiered and heavy tiffins/ take-outs can't seem somehow to hold the same weight in their own hands. So essentially the stomach muscle is working fine, but hand and brain muscle is not.
People who can't order at the canteen and wait for their turn like normal human beings. They must be fed like little toddlers in their crib - their cabin. They can't walk to their food like adults, the food must be brought to them.
They are incapable of walking up from their seat to fetch water/ coffee.
They need assistance all the time. So the easiest symptom to spot is the presence of another human being around them. The person is often employed by the disease ridden individual. The person is called a driver sometimes, a peon at other times or a maid at home.
The need for such assistance is economically feasible and socially acceptable largely in third world countries, characterised by overwhelming poverty and a minority of oblivious and privileged narcissists.

Diagnosis
It is too early to decode, but initial guesses of scientists suggest an interesting hypothesis.
Apparently the cause of this behavior is a little smarmy worm that enters the host's ears through empty praise they hear of their coterie. The smarmy worm then makes it's way into the host's head. It then starts singing loud praises with a background score of applause and orgasms 24x7. The brain of the host comes unhinged by this incessant assault on the host's concept of self. It unmoors his identity from that of people around him. The host turns into a faithful of the deity called self. The host now sees only himself/herself as real, everyone else as merely support cast in the film scripted by the smarmy worm projected inside the empty head of the host. As the smarmy worm eat away the brain, the shrinking brain effectively turns the clock back on the brain development, reverting to the default of 3 year old. and hence the toddler like behavior.

The cure
The only know cure for this condition is to send an antidote worm through the other ear of the host. This worm carries with it a much louder speaker system - in stereo and a 3D visual projection system. It drowns out the sounds and visions of the smarmy worm. It instead super imposes ideas of Noam Chomsky, Buddha, Ivan Illich, Mahatma Jyotirao Phule, Ambedkar and many more. It doesn't matter if ideas are conflicting or not, interesting or not, comprehensible or not... what matters is the plurality of thoughts and its people. After all, a thought has imprints of thousands of grimy minds on it. and by accepting plurality of thoughts, you accept the existence of a plurality of people.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Why I repair my shoe

I have 3 shoes. One formal, One sport shoe and another a mix of the two. The last one is particularly awesome, cause of its uniqueness. It looks like a formal shoe, but is as comfortable and flexible as a sport shoe. I bought it for my first job in Mumbai. I was newly rich and was expected to behave like one. I found this gem of pure black leather in a Colaba Causeway showroom. Quite a find. But its been almost two years now and the shoe shows its age. For all its awesomeness, its quite a weak shoe, to give out so early. I have stitched it, got new laces, and strengthened its sole. It doesn't look shiny anymore cause the leather has suffered from a few hostile trespasses. I think, like a man, things too should be allowed to carry their scars. Shiny scar-less men are just so... irrelevant. 

Since childhood, I have been used to using things for long times. Clothes, equipments, shoes etc. I can't just throw things away cause they don't look as good anymore or they don't w…

Reading India through 'Dictator's handbook'

What's the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship?
The book says, not much. India, agrees. Current political dispensation especially agrees vigorously.

"Soma" of hindutva and past glory + divided impoverished amnesiac masses + legitimised attack on individual rights + tremendous wealth shared among few = brave new world of oligarchical India.


Essentially, democracies/ dictatorships etc., are simply variants of the same power dynamic between the ruler, essentials, influentials and inter-changeables.

Interchangeables are the nominal selectorate - the individual voters who have nominal (or cosmetic) power to choose leader - most of us.
Influentials  are the real selectorate - the guys who really choose the leader. In US recently, the electoral college famously went against the popular vote and elected a clown as their president instead. In India, theoretically, the system is a bit better in terms of a wider base of influentials - it could be religious gurus, party…

I am a salmon

I am a salmon. It's been a decade away from my hometown, and yet my dreams refuse to relocate along with me. When sleep hasn't claimed me yet, but neither am I awake, you may find me in Nasik.
My senses fall back into their default states of Nasik when in-between. The space is of my home in Nasik, the sight is of the things around it. I might be hungry and thinking of eating a laddoo and my hands reach out for the steel dabba stacked on an elevated wooden cupboard stuck on the left wall of kitchen. In my mind's eye, I grope for the dabba momentarily as the search yields nothing - poof. the image disintegrates. I am snapped back to reality with a mild jolt. My mind reminds me of the layout in my own kitchen. There is no airborne shelf, there is no steel container, there is no laddoo. It says, go back to sleep. and I do.

_____

I shifted 3.5k km for a less polluted and less dangerous city a year ago.
And all was good. I get to walk and how I love to walk. I am truly happi…