Skip to main content


its just a matter of a few years. and there I will be. under the glorious arches of 30-hood. 
The number shines brightly in my head. Its a milestone that constantly barges into my vision, wherever i may be looking. i imagine it to be a small leprechaun like creature that's running around in 2 concentric circles. One around my head - the constant running threatens to add creases on my forehead. and the other around my waist, where the constant running is adding to the roundness of my person. 
it constantly asks me to look back. 'Look back!' it screams. and then it tries to hold steady my gaze back into my past. Its a direction I have not frequently lingered on. The opposite direction was much more alluring in the past, and now I live content being in the present. But 30 makes me want to take stock of what i was set out for, and what grounds I have covered. I have never been good with appraisal, and this one will be the toughest. (I am happy with my life. but its no where near arriving at its purpose yet)
Contrary to the number, my instinct tells me that I still have time, that i am still young, that exploration is still beautiful. but yet, its also telling me to get a grip on a single path too. its time. 
There's this another thought that's crowding my mind with growing gathering these days. This thought divides my life in two halves along the arch of 30-hood. and it presents me with a possibility. what if i partner someone in life who's never been a witness to my life before 30? what kind of life will that be? How do we anchor our lives in each other then? The roots of each other's times not intertwined; what kind of empathy would that be? would our conscience then be sufficiently enmeshed? what would be silly, and what would be profound? what innocuous thing would be funny and what would be intimate? 
what force of will will it take to erase all doubts and distances?


and then i pull the plug off the neon lights around that number. its a number. its a man made progression of time. The continuum of time does not really work that way. waiting, doing nothing, doing amazing things, partnering someone... all have their own time. and they need not crowd around the calendars and clocks. 
maybe the rains will tell me, or the mountains, or the dust bowl winds. but i am certain i will know for sure what time it is, soon. 


Strider said…
yeah man!
pull the plug!
its just a number.
there is no need to fall in line.
no need to grow up all of a sudden.
grow up you will. but it wont be because the earth completed certain numbers of revolutions around the sun after your birth. its your journey that shall age you. mature you.

bcc: self
Ajinkya said…
true that.
i was happy and i was young.
and i age rapidly, when i grow glum.
skrillex's bangarang turns me into an 18 yr old.. and sigur ros steals all vestiges of age.
air plane rides turn me into a gleeful 4 yr old, and monday mornings make me feel like a jaded 40 yr old.
Time's in the moment. not in its progression really.

Popular posts from this blog

Why I repair my shoe

I have 3 shoes. One formal, One sport shoe and another a mix of the two. The last one is particularly awesome, cause of its uniqueness. It looks like a formal shoe, but is as comfortable and flexible as a sport shoe. I bought it for my first job in Mumbai. I was newly rich and was expected to behave like one. I found this gem of pure black leather in a Colaba Causeway showroom. Quite a find. But its been almost two years now and the shoe shows its age. For all its awesomeness, its quite a weak shoe, to give out so early. I have stitched it, got new laces, and strengthened its sole. It doesn't look shiny anymore cause the leather has suffered from a few hostile trespasses. I think, like a man, things too should be allowed to carry their scars. Shiny scar-less men are just so... irrelevant. 

Since childhood, I have been used to using things for long times. Clothes, equipments, shoes etc. I can't just throw things away cause they don't look as good anymore or they don't w…

Reading India through 'Dictator's handbook'

What's the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship?
The book says, not much. India, agrees. Current political dispensation especially agrees vigorously.

"Soma" of hindutva and past glory + divided impoverished amnesiac masses + legitimised attack on individual rights + tremendous wealth shared among few = brave new world of oligarchical India.

Essentially, democracies/ dictatorships etc., are simply variants of the same power dynamic between the ruler, essentials, influentials and inter-changeables.

Interchangeables are the nominal selectorate - the individual voters who have nominal (or cosmetic) power to choose leader - most of us.
Influentials  are the real selectorate - the guys who really choose the leader. In US recently, the electoral college famously went against the popular vote and elected a clown as their president instead. In India, theoretically, the system is a bit better in terms of a wider base of influentials - it could be religious gurus, party…

How many shots of the girl dancing or laughing aimlessly does it take to establish her as a Manic pixie dream girl?

Learning from bad writing: Meri Pyaru bindu These days I am writing my first story that I intend to complete and publish. So as you can imagine, I am in the writer mode most of the time - anxiously looking for writer's intent, choices, character arcs, alternate story lines etc, while watching any movie or reading any novel. With a well written story, these choices are not that apparent. You have to look hard and yet you might miss out on essential choices that the writer made, to make the film/ novel a great piece of art. It feels as if the story flowed out from the author's mind onto paper with zero loss in translation. For that reason, it is difficult to learn much from good writing. It inspires, yes of course. It helps you get in the mood or get into the right frame of mind. But it can't teach as well as a badly written movie/ novel can.
A badly written story makes you aware of your own fallibility. It grounds you. Most importantly, it helps you see the many ways in wh…