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give urself a break

How can one gauge into one's soul?
This intrigue is all the more urgent after the Noida incident. What if ur neighbour of twenty years turns out a devinl in disguise. How can we stop him/her if we dont know his diabolical side. How may we know, when he is gonna strike. I used to think, that these are just reults of moments of madness..but then, how does one explain the noida incident. The SOB systematically lured, plotted, raped, sawed off his victims. Is he a human to be able to do this? he very much seems like one. albeit, sould dead. loser in the yin-yang war that rages within each and everyone of us. (Every single action of ours is afterall a victory or loss of either of these two counteractive forces, the good and the bad)
Lets say,the evil part is a deep dark abyss within us. It tries to suck everything around it. Once u go into it, its hard to climb out. Our good soul, however, guards around it. always trying to expand to reach out to others. So while the good soul is trying to expand and give, the bad soul is trying to implode and take(like a black hole).
Since the strength of the outer sphere of our good soul is directly dependent on the nature of our interaction with others, wouldn't that lay onus on us, as a part of the grat social interconnected soul (the brahmin)to be a bit responsible to let someone degenerate to such ghastly states?
In this age of reason, we lay our hopes and beliefs somewhere outside of us, rather than within us. Why cant we be true to ourselves, why do we not have communication with our 'selves'? This is alienating our soul, and since we put our faith without, our soul is left unprotected and fragile (afterall, faith is the fuel of soul). When that belief is broken, the dark side will take over.
Look around the world today- The skepticism,the lack of belief in ourselves has resulted in a world devoid of a moral or ethical backbone. All it is, is a massive spineless lump of soulless crap moving in the direction of the biggest crap.
And this shit is aggravating, cuz we put our faith in crap afterall.
Give urself a break, will ya? try to find strength in urself. I know its hard to find , but its there alright. If u don't, u will very well be on the road to become another cannibal. probably not akin to Noida's butcher, but quite possibly munching on other's life through bribing, frauding, let things fall out all around.. by espousing 'chalta hai'...



P.S. words such as devil, soul etc are sympolic, allegorical, to denote something which is bigger than the scope of one dimensional language. So dont take this literally, and term me a superstitious dumbass. I am a philosophical dumbass.

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Withdrawal symptoms

Ctrl-tab
Ctrl-tab...
Scroll Scroll Scoll..
Alt-tab
Alt-tab...
Catch yourself slipping away.

Deep  breath. 

Close the browser. silence the mobile and turn it away.

Open an offline-real-paper diary. Stop your thighs from lolling impatiently. Stay still. 

Pick up a pen awkwardly. ahh, the fingers are stiff. It will take a  while for them to get used to holding a pen. Quick finger exercise - open the palm, stretch finger outwards, close into a fist, dig the fingers in. Repeat.
Ok now.. about to pick up the pen again, but eyes dart towards the screen. Tempted to check email.

Shut up. The last consequential email came two months ago. Nothing of consequence is online.

Pick up the pen. Don't fetishize the object now. Get on with it. Put it on paper, write a word and start it already. If I get to a sentence, perhaps I will get into a flow and won't have to look up from the paper at all. 

One sentence later.

Ahh. That was good. I am feeling good about myself. The sentence makes sense. …