Shedding bias

“Reflect on what you see. Remember, though, that to reflect is not to rush to determine the rights and wrongs or merits and demerits of what and whom you are observing. Try to consciously refrain from value judgments—don’t rush to conclusions. What’s important is not arriving at clear conclusions but retaining the specifics of a certain situation."

Haruki Murakami

Covid gifted us a time and space to reflect. It forced us to spend time with ourselves and in doing so, made us aware of who we really are. And what can be a more beautiful and useful gift than that?
It was as if I was standing in the center of many mirrors kept at different distances and angles from me and being forced to observe, really observe what was reflected in those mirrors. And as you take these multiple views of self, a whole picture emerges that is smaller, more fragile, more ordinary than you thought before.
Here's one of the realisations.
The realisation that I suffer from a habit of quick bias. The interesting bit about this is, I (and many of our generation) have been extremely conscious of bias of others. Our culture teaches us to spot the slightest of slights and injustices. We are now primed to point out a bias when we see one. But this very habit blinds us to our own bias. We have developed a terrible habit of predicting and imagining instead of observing and digesting. We are premature with our rage and delights. We spend more time anticipating an experience rather than being present for those experiences. Digital media has firmly dislocated us from the present and it slides us constantly into the thoughts of past/ future. (like a small piece of eggshell that has fallen into the viscous insides of an egg in a bowl. try taking it out, it keeps sliding away from your finger.) (and see, here i go again, trying to find the roots of my behaviour, instead of focusing on the fact of my bias.)

I realised that this seeking-bias-in-others' behaviours have biased me to my detriment. I miss out on what really is, because I am focused on what might be, could be, should be. I short-circuit processes to arrive at conclusions. I am demotivated at work because the sum total of my work has negative consequences on the world. I am not being my best self, because I am blinded to my situation as it is.

Knowing this, I am not going to suspend my critical faculties. But I will remove the noise of the world beyond my reach. The attempt is to focus on the here and present. To meet every moment, person, place with respect and eagerness to absorb and listen. To reserve judgement until the last moment where it's needed. To point and call out my consciousness. To pay attention.